If You're Lonely by Alan Wolfelt

Author:Alan Wolfelt
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Companion Press
Published: 2020-03-15T00:00:00+00:00

PROXIMITY, REPETITION, AND QUALITY TIME

How do you build strong bonds with others? Through proximity, repetition, and quality time.

This may sound totally obvious, but when we’re physically near someone frequently, we’re more likely to develop a strong relationship with them. Being together in person is best, but when that’s not possible—such as when people live in different communities, for example—it’s still possible to maintain close ties through frequent video calls, emails, and texts.

But quality time is the other essential factor here. As you may have experienced yourself, you can be around someone every day yet not feel close to them. Perhaps you even live in the same household with others yet feel like you don’t have effective, cherished relationships with them.

Emotional bonds are built on quality time. What does that mean? Quality time is time spent with another person or people in which you are focusing on each other, communicating well, and empathizing. You can be in the same room with another person, each immersed in your own phone. This is not quality time. But if you sit together in front of the same laptop or a TV, watching a favorite show and chatting about it as it plays, that may count as quality time. Similarly, distractedly talking “at” each other while you’re busy with other things is not quality time, but stopping to look each other in the eyes and really give one another undivided attention—that’s the quality time that’s needed to build love and devotion.

Stop for a second and think about the most cherished moments in your life—the ones that not only bring a smile to your face but also tug at your heart. It’s likely they were spent sharing quality time with those you loved the most. That’s one of the most important questions I hope you will keep in mind as you find your way through loneliness: How can I spend more quality time with people I care about?

Now let’s talk about building connection in each of the concentric circles, from the inside out. We’ve already talked about befriending yourself, so we’ll start with intimate relationships.

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